"He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'" John 7:38
"It Marked My Heart"
by Sharon Sands
Awhile back I read a book to my children by Max Lucado, titled “You are Special”. The story is sweet and talks about how life, and what people say to us and about us, can put “marks” on us…how the Maker wants to remove those marks so that we can live as we were created to live.
It reminded me of a little girl I knew…
They were dropping her older brother off at summer camp…her parents were helping him get settled in. She was 8 years old, slightly chubby with short brown hair. She was sitting on a swing and noticed a beautiful petite blonde girl on the swing next to her. One of the camp counselors was walking towards them, he
smiled at the blonde girl, told her his name and asked her if she’d like him to push her on the swing…he never acknowledged the first little girl…she remembers feeling invisible at that moment, and somehow, defective…
… it made a mark on her heart…
As the years went by, she was surrounded by friends…she was the “funny one” who kept people laughing. She always battled her weight…she watched her “skinny friends” begin to date…she would listen to their stories, smile and be interested...
…but it made a mark on her heart…
She had a great family…none of the searing childhood traumas that so many young girls have endured. Yet, there was always this underlying sense of “defective” written on her heart.
She had many “guy friends”…they considered her “safe”. She was the one they could talk to. She was the one that they would ask advice from about the “pretty girls” that they liked. She vividly remembers a time when her best friend’s boyfriend asked if she would go with them on their date, because she was “so funny”!
…it made a mark on her heart…
Another time, a guy friend of hers, grabbed her and said, “I have to show you my new fiance! She is so hot! She is so beautiful!” He led her to a group and pointed out his prize…
…it made a mark on her heart…
She went on a Mission Trip to Mexico…On the team was a young man who all the girls were completely drawn to, he was cool, he was good looking, he had charm. She and he became friends. Once again she was the “safe” girl…During their time in Mexico, this young guy got a severe case of…well, you know, of the thing you get when you go to Mexico and drink the water! He was incredibly sick and weak. She will never forget what he said to her as they were getting in the van to head to their next ministry stop…”Hey, can I lay in your lap? You are the only girl on the team that doesn’t turn me on.”
…it made a mark on her heart…
Through the years there were many other little incidents…words said…things implied that subtly marked her heart…
BUT, she knew so many women who had endured so much more…she tucked those things away as unimportant…she just needed to be thankful for all that she had…
Years later, married, those marks ignored and buried, (but still there), she was watching TV with her husband and some beautiful model flashed up on the screen. She said to him, jokingly, “I feel like I am not even the same SPECIES as she is…” And when she said it out loud…it occurred to her that it was NOT a joke, that is what her heart had come to believe.
So why even share this little story? A couple of verses jump to the top of my heart…
The first one is 1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
We have an enemy…and he is not limited to the horrific, and the traumatic
schemes we often look at, to “take us out”! Just as often, he subtly plants his lies, through a lifetime to tangle us up…
Often when the “marks” are so subtle, it can be like wheat and tares growing side by side in our hearts…Down the road, as we are running our race, we find ourselves tripping and hindered and can’t even understand why!
Hebrews 12:1-3 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. “
SO, for the past year, I have been on a mission…I want to run unhindered! It is amazing to me how those "marks" have tangled me up. Emotions that rise to the surface at unexpected times from innocent triggers.
I have been asking my Father to sit with me and to gently sift through my heart, showing me “the lies that I’ve believed”. I want to see the things that keep me from running well. I want to understand the things that keep my heart small, rather than a “broad place” where an abundant harvest can spring from!
It has been a humbling process…but a precious, intimate time as He has one by one, taken those lies and spoken truth right into the middle of them!
On a mission...to run well for His Name Sake!!!
...Serving Jesus by Serving Women
across the Front Range...
The "No-Play" Zone
by Sharon Sands
This morning I was thinking back over 2010 and realized that there have been 2 main "themes" that the Lord has been working into my heart this year. Thought I'd share one this morning...
The "No Play Zone" ~
Recently I shared my personal story in the note "It Marked My Heart". Growing up with that underlying feeling of defectiveness created many subtle "tangled places" in my heart.
I have laughed and cried together with many women at retreats and conferences as I have shared some of the ways this incredible thirst for love and acceptance has played out in my life. Some humorous..some sad...all, I have come to see, "common to man".
This gnawing hunger created a need to be "the favorite". If I couldn't be that, I would just quietly pull my heart back, and decide "not to play". Masked with a smile, and not obvious to most people, it was just a quiet stance my heart would take.
As the Lord revealed this to me, I recognized it was not even a conscious thing I would do, but had become a "heart reflex", and an area that kept me from running well and running FREE. It was keeping me from loving others with abandon for His Name Sake. It was keeping my heart small.
A key moment in the healing process was when the Lord pointed out my
"No Play Zone"...
One way this underlying feeling of defectiveness had cropped up...it created a dynamic in my heart where a compliment wasn't just a compliment to me...it would become an "all day sucker" that I would think on, and rethink on, and then think on again. (I know...sad!)
If someone affirmed me in an area, it just meant way more to my heart than it should...
About a year ago, someone had complimented me on something, and as I was going to sleep that night, my heart went straight to it's "playground". I was just kind of going over and over this thing that was said, in my head...savoring it, sucking all the marrow of acceptance and approval out of it that I could!
(Trust me, it is humbling to share this...but it's just the truth of where my heart has been!)
Right then, as clear as day, I got this picture in my head of the "Not Allowed" symbol and the Lord spoke to my heart, "Sharon, you need to grow up, you are NOT ALLOWED to play on this playground anymore..." The Lord began to show me that that was NOT a redemptive thought pattern for me. That my "ok-ness" cannot come from what others think or say to me...that my focus and my heart's health needs to rest on what HE says about me. It started a healing process that He and I are still walking out today!
Redemptive thoughts ~
As I've started sharing this with women, I have been touched by their openess regarding their own, "No Play Zones"...those non-redemptive "playgrounds" where their minds go in the quiet times...rehearsing old wounds, replaying past sins, thoughts of men that make them feel special in ways their husbands may not...many many playgrounds that we play at that tangle our hearts and keep us from running free for His Name Sake.
I am so thankful for a gentle, gracious Father, that brings these things into the light, so that I can be changed and strengthened for this race!
